Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
