I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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