She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
