remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
