It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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