after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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