your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
