I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
