white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bring me that man meat
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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