if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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