Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
