he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
