I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
