thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
