i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
