At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
