i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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