I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
