You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
