It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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