Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
