I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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