I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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