its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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