Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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