my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
