So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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