soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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