Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
