this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
