hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
