Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize