Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
