i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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