Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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