What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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