One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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