so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
