i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
