Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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