omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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