New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
did i just pee glitter
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
