I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
