if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
