Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
