If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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