Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
