my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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