you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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