Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
