i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
love makes seman taste better
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
