dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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