I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
