Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
