He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
