tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The air was thick with penises
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
