I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
