Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
