There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
