my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
