Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
