You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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