I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
