Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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