tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do herpes really smell.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
