I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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