My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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