is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
