I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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