wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
