did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
