break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
