Your mouth is God's brothel.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
