phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
