there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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