i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
