Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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