I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
