I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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